Emotions and closeness can sometimes feel a little like a game of baseball. When we are ready to swing the bat and hit the ball, we also have the option to stay still, let the strike pass, and choose not to run toward the base—ultimately missing the opportunity to score a home run. A similar dynamic can also be found in our social relationships.

For many people, building connections and forming close relationships is a natural and ordinary part of life. After all, the ability to socialize is one of the fundamental characteristics of human beings as social creatures. Closeness can be built for mutual support, to strengthen emotional bonds, and to create a sense of safety where people can share both the bitter and sweet moments of life.

From the perspective of attachment theory, as discussed in a psychological study published in Behavioural Sciences by Uccula, A. et al. (2023), social connection and interpersonal bonding are mechanisms that are naturally rooted in human beings. However, each individual develops their own way of building closeness based on their experiences, particularly those formed during childhood. These experiences can later play an important role in shaping how we see ourselves and relate to others.

Nevertheless, not everyone experiences closeness in the same way. Although intimacy and connection are considered normal parts of social relationships, some individuals may find themselves asking questions such as, “Will I be safe if I become close to someone?” or “What if getting too close creates expectations that will eventually lead to disappointment?”

This is not an unfamiliar concept, kawan UNDIRA. It is commonly associated with what is known as avoidant attachment. According to the framework introduced by Hazan and Shaver (1987), attachment can be understood through several patterns, including secure attachment, which is characterized by a sense of safety; anxious-preoccupied attachment, which is associated with anxiety; fearful-avoidant attachment, which involves fear of intimacy; and dismissive-avoidant attachment, a pattern commonly associated with avoidant attachment.

At its core, avoidant attachment refers to a behavioral pattern in which an individual tends to withdraw or create emotional distance from others, particularly when a relationship begins to develop a greater sense of closeness or intimacy. Interestingly, this pattern does not simply appear without reason, kawan UNDIRA. It can develop through life experiences or personal beliefs that lead someone to view dependence and interpersonal relationships as unnecessary, time-consuming, emotionally risky, restrictive to their independence, or potentially harmful in the long run.

In everyday situations, several similar patterns may be observed in individuals with avoidant attachment tendencies. These can include a tendency to hold back even in casual or social environments, limited emotional responsiveness, feelings of discomfort or anxiety when relationships become more personal, and a tendency to avoid conversations involving deeply personal matters.

Although this pattern may appear counterproductive in certain situations, it can also be viewed from a psychoanalytic perspective as a form of psychological self-protection. Drawing from Sigmund Freud's ideas on defense mechanisms, later developed and presented by Anna Freud in her 1936 book The Ego and the Mechanisms of Defence, emotional avoidance may, in some cases, reflect an individual's attempt to protect themselves after experiencing pain, disappointment, or rejection.

Ultimately, understanding avoidant attachment is not simply about learning another psychological concept. It is also about reflecting on how differently people experience closeness and asking ourselves whether intimacy and emotional connection may feel difficult—or even burdensome—for some individuals.

For kawan UNDIRA who can relate to this discussion, university life can actually become a safe space to gradually reduce that emotional distance. Healthy relationships do not have to be built through dramatic gestures or intense forms of connection. Sometimes, they begin with small and seemingly simple things: starting a conversation, allowing ourselves to be present, learning to trust, and appreciating the people who become part of our lives.